


The World Still Turns

by Solariac



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Post-Steven Universe: The Movie, Speculation, Steven Universe Needs A Break, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and nice things, by that I mean dont up your stress levels by doing more work, he also deserves hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:26:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21902962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solariac/pseuds/Solariac
Summary: There are times when Steven believes that the only way he can be useful to anyone is if he sticks to his old ways. As time continues to pass, the feeling of being lost in time itself only worsens as his stress climbs overtop of him.There's only one gem that would understand, that's why he needs to talk to her to settle this feeling once and for all.
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli & Steven Universe
Comments: 5
Kudos: 113





	The World Still Turns

It was around five in the morning when Steven left the house. Instead of taking the Dondai around town, he had decided to take the warp to Little Homeworld. He wasn't awake this early for the purpose of  _ working,  _ he had other reasons. It's not like he could go back to sleep if he wanted to anyways. He'd be back later, and he'd do his usual errands around town then. His hands rubbed sleepily at his eyes as the soft light of the warp encased him, sending him off to Little Homeworld.

As soon as his feet landed on the stone of the warp, he glanced around the area apprehensively. Classes still didn't start for a few hours, but gems didn't sleep most of the time anyways. He noted that the sun was glowing ever so slightly over the horizon, and he promptly frowned. Why would he be surprised? He's out and about two hours earlier than usual. 

_ Focus!  _ Steven mentally snapped at himself, and shoved his hands into the pockets of his pink jacket. He was here for a reason, and standing around would only waste time that he didn't have to spare. Several buildings of different sizes caught his eyes, but only one of them was his target. The teenager kept strolling down the mostly empty streets of Little Homeworld until he was in front of the most familiar house there. 

_ Lapis and Peridot's house. _

His hand retracted from his pocket, and he raised a fist to knock on the door. Centimeters before his knuckles could tap the wood, he stopped. Wouldn't he be intruding at this hour? He wanted to say that he could come back later, but he knew that he  _ couldn't.  _ He didn't have enough time. _ He never had time to- _

"Steven?" Navy blue eyes bore into his own as he realized that Lapis had cracked the door open slightly during his lapse of hesitance. "Are you alright? It's-"

"Five in the morning, I know! I'm sorry Lapis, I can leave-" Steven blurted out, his heels already spinning to head in the other direction. A blue hand gently laid on his shoulder, and he stopped.

"I was going to say it's good to see you. Peridot is out picking up stuff for my meepmorp class later, so I'm alone right now." She explained wistfully, and Steven reluctantly turned back around. "You know I like having you around anyways, come on in." She waved dismissively before opening the door all the way, and walking further back into her house. 

Steven followed her in, his hands wringing themselves nervously as he did so. She didn't have that many lights on, but it appeared that she was building little models, probably for her class that she mentioned earlier. He watched as the blue gem stabbed another pencil into some clay, and shook his head as she inspected the mutilated object.

"I need more of your human writing utensils after all, good thing that I asked Peridot to pick up some." Lapis hummed aloud with her hand stroking her chin. 

At this point, he really did feel like he was intruding. All he was doing was standing around and staring at everything. This was a waste of time. He knew he wouldn't be able to talk. His throat felt dry and scratchy, and any words that he wanted to say wouldn't formulate outside of his own head. Steven blinked rapidly a couple times to shake his thoughts. Lapis was staring at him with interest, one hand resting on her hip while the other absently hung at her side.

"Oh, sorry Lapis!" He squeaked out of embarrassment. He had zoned out again while he wasn't in his own home. He really needed to cut that out. "Did you say something?"

"I asked what you were here for. You haven't said much since I caught you staring at my door for who knows how long." Her teasing tone shifted to more of a concerned one, and he felt heat rush to his face. That's not what he meant to do! He was having her worry for no reason!

_ That's always how it was, wasn't it? _ Everyone coddled him as if he were a kid, but he's not. He's almost an adult now but everyone treats him like he's still 14. They were always concerned or cautious around him  _ because  _ of him.  _ He always makes them worry. _

"Steven…?"

A miniscule click went off in his head as he focused again. He couldn't go on like this, but if he stormed off now it'd be even worse for him and everyone else. His only option now was to come clean or make up some random excuse. He bit the inside of his cheek, and clenched his fists. Lapis reached out to touch him, but Steven spoke first.

"I wanted to talk to you!" He shouted out more loudly than he had hoped to, causing him to blush again. 

Lapis drawled back, and tilted her head quizzically. "Well, Why didn't you say so sooner? Come on, we can sit on the couch." She responded softly and brushed past him as she headed into their more living room-esque part of the house. The gem sat down on one of the cushions, her left arm draping lazily over the side as she patted the cushion next to her.

He sat down tentatively, the cushion sinking as he sat all the way down. His fingers entwined with his own, his pupils glued to his lap. Several thoughts swarmed in his head, each and every one of them swooping and diving at him threateningly. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Lapis patiently gazing at him, her other hand resting across her legs.

That's right, he had already told her that he needed to talk with her. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time, the clock reading 5:48AM. This was...good. There was time to talk, but he couldn't waste anymore. If he was going to talk, he had to start  _ now  _ or his whole day would be messed up. He exhaled sharply, but finally spoke.

"Was it hard?" He asked breathlessly, his gaze never once leaving his own legs.

"Was  _ what  _ hard, Steven?" She asked back, clearly confused by his question. 

He untangled one of his hands and rested it on his right cheek. How could he phrase this without it sounding weird? "Was it hard watching the world and everyone in it change around you, but you couldn't move on yourself?" He mumbled out loud enough to where Lapis could understand him. She went silent for a second, and he feared that he had asked the wrong question.

"This is about the mirror, isn't it?" Lapis finally sighed, her right hand lifting to ruffle her own mop of blue hair. Steven nodded, but didn't meet her gaze. "I'm not sure what prompted you to ask, but it's fine! I can answer." She reassured, but he sensed a slight flinch in her voice.

Steven felt a part of the guilt in his heart ebb away only to come back again. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable. "Only if you want to. I know it's a dumb question, but it's important for me to know right now." 

"Back when I was trapped in the mirror, I didn't really  _ see  _ much honestly, but I knew time was passing at a rate that I almost lost track of." Lapis began quietly before picking up in volume. "I knew that things were changing, but I couldn't stop  _ focusing  _ on one thing no matter what I caught glimpses of. Can you guess what?" She asked him, her hand nudging his shoulder.

"Getting out?" 

"Well, yes, but it was more like… what I wanted to do _ when  _ I got out." She corrected. "Before you were given the mirror, the only thing I wanted was to be free and get revenge on the gems who kept me prisoner for so long." A sigh carried through the air, and Steven frowned as she continued. "I didn't really take in how much had changed, how much  _ everything _ changed after the war ended. I was too busy thinking about everyone around me rather than how I could adapt to it myself." He heard her shift in position on the couch, but she wasn't finished. "I never really learned how to change myself, not until I met you, Steven. You're the reason that I finally snapped back to reality and realized that  _ I  _ had to change  _ with _ the world rather than fight against it."

I _ had to change  _ with _ the world rather than fight against it. _

Something within that struck a chord within Steven, and his head snapped up to look at the gem sitting next to him. His dark pupils met with her own dark blue ones, and from that look alone he could  _ see  _ the sincerity swirling in the depths of her gaze. How could he have been the one to teach her that if he couldn't teach that to  _ himself?  _

_ Is that what he had been doing wrong? Was he just… not adapting to the new era? _

"I'm sorry if I rambled! You know I have… conflicting feelings of the past six thousand years that I spent in the mirror." She raised both of her palms at him only to drop them back to her lap with a grimace. "Did that answer your question though?" Lapis tilted her head and continued to blink at him. "I feel like this was referring to more than just the mirror." 

"Don't worry about it, what you said is what I needed to hear." He admitted sheepishly with a small smile. "Adjusting to all of this," he waved around with his hands, "hasn't been easy for me. I think you're the only one I can talk to about it." It was true though, if anyone could understand how he felt right now, it would be Lapis.

"Why can't you to Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl about it?" Lapis pointed out the obvious.

"They're all a part of the problem. They've grown and changed so much in the past three years, and now I'm the one who can't move on." One of his sandals flopped onto the ground as he pulled one of his knees to his chest. "I've been burying myself in work lately, especially for Little Homeworld. I can't just  _ stop  _ helping people, Lapis, it's a part of who I am." He conceded, his forehead now laying against his knee as he stared at Lapis. "I feel like I don't fit in anymore, and I can't change myself enough to where I actually belong."

"Then don't." Lapis stated nonchalantly with a shrug.

"What…?"

"If you like helping others, no one ever said you have to stop. You're Steven Universe, the friendliest person in the galaxy.  _ No one _ expects you to stop being  _ you."  _ She objected while standing up promptly. "The only life that anyone should be able to dictate is their own. If you're not hurting anyone, then what's the problem?"

"but all I've done lately is mess things up and hurt people by being me!" He protested with a frustrated growl. Every time he tried to help someone, it only made things worse. He used to be helpful, but it wasn't  _ working  _ anymore. His methods were flying out the window one by one, and he didn't know what to  _ do  _ other than  _ make  _ himself useful.

"and tiring yourself out with all of these tasks is making things better, making things easier?" She asserted, her arms now crossed as her eyes scanned him up and down. "I didn't want to say anything Steven, but when was the last time you slept? I don't mean an hour or two either."

"I-" He blinked and shook his head. What did that have to do with anything? "Why does that matter?" Steven hissed back in defense.

"Because you look terrible, Steven!" Lapis flaunted her arms around, paced for a few seconds. "You're not acting like yourself lately, but I didn't notice until you showed up at my doorstep at five in the morning with  _ bags  _ under your eyes!" She argued back accusingly almost as if she were hurt by his words. "You're not  _ you!" _

Why was  _ she  _ the one offended here? Who was she to decide what was and wasn't him? His phone slid out of his pocket as he moved, the camera automatically opening for some reason. Out of vague curiosity, he glanced at the screen, only to muffle a gasp at what he saw. She was right about his disheveled appearance. Dark and ugly bags had started to appear below his eyes, and his curly hair was an absolute mess. He opened his mouth to fire off a retort in his own defense, but all that came out was a short sob. 

"Steven, I-" Lapis took a step toward again, her features turning crestfallen.

Hot streaks of tears started to fall from his eyes, so he quickly brought up his sleeves to furiously wipe away his tears.  _ This was stupid! He was crying for no reason! _ He wasn't a kid anymore, yet here he was, crying for another dumb reason. Something set off a chain reaction in his mind, but he couldn't figure out what had done it. It was as if the reality of the situation clicked, and the dam had busted all at once. Another painful sob wracked his shoulder, and his sleeves were soaked in saltwater tears. 

The cushion beside him sank as Lapis returned to his side. Thin blue arms wrapped around his frame, pulling him into an awkwardly comforting hug. "Hey, I'm the only one who's allowed to cry in my own house." She teased gently, resulting in a small chuckle from him.

Steven knew that comfort wasn't really  _ her  _ thing, but it helped. It really did. It was heartwarming that she was trying at all, and he appreciated it. He sniffled and rested his chin on her back as the downpour of tears continued to fall. This whole situation still didn't help his building guilt factor. "I'm sorry…"He croaked in a level barely above a whisper. 

"Don't be." Lapis soothed. "It's okay to cry every now and then, no one can judge you for that." 

Steven hummed in acknowledgement, but he still couldn't think of much to say back in response. Since when had the roles been reversed? Usually he'd be the one to comfort gems when they'd cry or listen to them rant their feelings away. Now  _ he  _ was the one venting.  _ He  _ was the one crying.

_ The world really was changing. _

"Do you mind if I suggest something though?" Lapis asked him, breaking him out of his thoughts again.

"No," He sniffled again, "go ahead."

"If you still want to help others, I think the first one you should start with is yourself."

His breath hitched with a small hic, and his tears dropped against her back. She was right. She was  _ totally  _ right. Of  _ course  _ she was. She had already been through this herself. He was so focused on everything else, every _ one  _ else. It was funny, laughable even. He shared more similarities with Lapis than he was letting on. The more he thought about it, the more he noticed that he was sharing the same issues she once did.

While he was busy being stuck in the past, the world was going to keep moving forward without him whether he liked it or not. He had been refusing to accept it, but as it turns out, he can't stick to his old ways forever.

"Thank you.." He whispered into her shoulder, his voice rough and scratchy with raw emotion. "Thank you."

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Is this mostly speculation on parallels? Sure is.


End file.
